Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

weird words

A selection of amusing words that have come up in the new Blogger word verification:

Balador
  • Pologami - playing in multiple polo teams without the others knowlege 
Joe
  • gemastry - the ancient oriental martial art of combat using only precious stones
  • paphtess - descriptive of a small Greek village which has lost its only seller of Ouzo.

The Silver Eel
  • hasmshno - to refuse a third doobie.
Yvonne
  • genesco - a little-known painter of the Italian Renaissance?
  • thethlys - a flower that grows by the River Lethe, whose fumes induce forgetfulness
  • rerbach - a small boy who gathers up lost things at eisteddfods (from rerum, things, + bach, little). [Brithenig]
  • ty lazos - a house of lepers. [Brithenig]
  • Synyanit - small eastern European god of shopping ennui.
  • aftible - an ansible that sends messages back through time 
  • raptism - an initiation into rapper culture
  • wealorme - Anglo-Saxon for a serpent that brings blessing.
  • foddr - a photo-sharing website for cannon-fodder?
  • alpowar - a very large battleship (by extension from man o'war).
  • misher - Yiddish for someone who habitually causes confusion wherever they go.
  • hoaktax - a tax upon hokum, hocus-pocus and hoaxes (otherwise known as "There's one born every minute").
  • appirthy - pithy and apposite
  • anthst - fear of not finishing anthologies.
  • stompew - to misbehave in church.
  • tantred:
    1. an aunt who dresses eccentrically (as in When I am old I shall wear purple/ With a red hat that doesn't go...)
    2. a particularly florid tantrum
    3. past participle of the verb, to tantra.
  • imphros - a small lantern carried by an even smaller hobgoblin to guide faery ships safely into port (the opposite of a will o' the wisp).
  • pronapa - in favour of Californian wine

Friday, December 12, 2008

leave them kids alone...

This child should be given a medal, not a detention:

Well done that child — good to see someone is still awake and thinking! 

I once told my English teacher that he had mis-spelled murmur (as "murmer"), and he accepted the correction (he was a bit embarrassed but he checked in the dictionary).

Monday, September 08, 2008

a matter for divorce


I'd have divorced him too. Sizeist.

Fortunately, in our house, we are as one: Pluto is a planet. And Chiron, and Sedna....

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

annoying

According to the quiz at Am I Annoying.com, I am moderately annoying (hurrah! I wouldn't want to be completely bland)

You can also vote there for the annoyingness of celebrities. Alas, Trinny and Susannah (two of the most annoying celebrities on the planet) are not on there. They do have historical figures on there, though; for instance I just voted the Emperor Constantine as annoying for embracing Christianity and making it the state religion of the Roman Empire when it was much better as a rather subversive non-statist little cult. You can also find new people to get annoyed about that you'd never even heard of, like Charles Taze Russell, founder of the Jehovah's Witnesses. Just for balance, I also voted Richard Dawkins annoying. It's a pity it's just a straight choice between annoying, not and don't care, as for some people (like Constantine, and Henry VIII) I'd like to rate them as extra annoying. Humph, Henry VIII isn't on there, but both his daughters and his dad are. I'm annoyed with his brother as well, for dying young and letting Henry VIII get the throne. He caught a chill in Ludlow Castle, or something. I once had the satisfaction of going up to his tomb and telling him that I was annoyed with him for dying early.

Friday, July 04, 2008

care of your geek

There are numerous guides available to living with a geek; there's even a book.
Most of these guides are written as if the geek in question is male; however there is some awareness of female geeks, particularly in the book.

If you think you may be a geek, there's a diagnostic tool available from just say hi, and a more comprehensive one available from innergeek (but slightly biased towards a US audience). My latest geek score from innergeek is 37.08087% (major geek); JustSayHi rates me as 72% geeky.

Because we all know that the geek shall inherit the earth.

Friday, June 27, 2008

smooth as a [censored]

Baby's bottom in censorship row

Asda refused to print a baby's bum on a photo-cake for fear of pornographic connotations.

Mind you, I wouldn't want to eat the bit of icing with the baby's bottom on it...

Thursday, June 26, 2008

ancient tabloid frenzy

Western Paradise Gazette, 26th Ipip 6250

Queen Isis in single mother row
Isis
IT HAS BEEN exclusively revealed today that Isis, queen of the gods and throne of the heavens, brunette mother of one, is bringing up her child alone. The government of the Kingdom of the West is said to be in crisis, as this undermines their policy of tax breaks for married couples. Social services were considering taking Horus (5) into care.

A spokesbeing for the government said, "We are concerned about the absence of a positive male role model for the boy. His uncle Set is currently standing trial for murder, and Isis has been seen to be accompanied by Sekhmet, who is known to have had violent episodes, and Ishtar Kilili, who was last week arrested for soliciting."

Iduna was said to be reconsidering her policy of golden apples for all deities, citing the possible decline in the economy if golden apples were given to everyone regardless of their contribution to society. The share price of ambrosia has also declined sharply in response to this news; there was panic-buying of shares in Stork Transit, Inc.

Queen Isis, still in mourning for her dead husband Osiris (dismembered in a bizarre fertility ritual, allegedly by Set) declined to give an interview. Her lawyer, Thoth, read a prepared statement, saying only, "There's nothing magical about fathers."


Breaking news...

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

meet Yseult...

Hahahahaha! Just tried out the hilarious new Pagan name generator (don't worry, this is an example of Pagan self-mockery, it's not serious).

Its suggestions so far:

Gender-neutral: Wolfe Nightshade Artemis
Female: Yseult Autumn Amber
Male: Ossian Midnight Bear

Clearly I need a pretentious moniker like one of these. That's where I've been going wrong all these years, using my real name.

Thursday, April 03, 2008

name meme

1. ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet, current car): Spicy Passat

2. GANGSTA NAME: (fav ice cream flavor, favorite Kind of shoe): Ginger Doc Martens

3. HIPPY NAME: (what you ate for breakfast, fav tree): Jordans Birch

4. SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born): Angharad Southampton (I haven't actually got a middle name but my dad wanted to call me Angharad)

5. STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 of your first name): Abu Yv

6. SUPERHERO NAME: (favorite color, favorite drink): Green Green Tea

7. NASCAR NAME: (the first names of your grandfathers/grandmothers): Felix Harold Mildred Doris

8. STRIPPER NAME: (the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy): Ylang-ylang Winegums

10. TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME: (Your 4th grade teacher’s last name, a city that starts with the same letter): Evans-Teush Edinburgh

11. SPY NAME: (your favorite season/holiday, flower): Beltane Cherry-blossom

12. CARTOON NAME: (favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now): Sharon Hoodie

(Found at Copper's Klatsch and Catch-All)

ET loves Firefox

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

The Secret

(warning: may cause explosive laughter)

And for those who don't know what The Secret is. You probably will by the end of the video.

I found this very funny indeed, as I am deeply irritated by the utter smugness of the Secret, cosmic ordering and all that. So basically, if bad things happen to you, it's your fault for not attracting good things to you. Yeah, let's kick the dispossessed while they're down.

Spotted by Alison

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

a new decalogue

Pope Crys at the Complaints Department has issued a list of commandments. This seems like a fun thing to do, so I'm going to join in...
  1. Thou shalt not exceed thy carbon footprint
  2. Thou shalt worship Ceiling Cat and all his furry minions
  3. Thou shalt not build inaccessible webpages
  4. Thou shalt not wear too much perfume in a built-up area
  5. Thou shalt not drum into the wee small hours
  6. Thou shalt not write interminable bad poetry
  7. Thou shalt not put the toilet roll back-to-front on the holder
  8. Thou shalt not pollute thine ears with Chris de Burgh
  9. Thou shalt honour LGBT people, especially the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence
  10. Thou shalt not publish thy rants upon YouTube, unless they are about contraventions of the first nine of these commandments.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

signs and pawtents

Teh Ceilin Cat make Her appearunz in teh sky...

Humorous Pictures

And here is Her pawprint...

The Cat's Paw Nebula

U not knoe wot is a Lolcat?

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Friday, November 09, 2007

religions as software

Christianity is like Microsoft:
  • It's a large corporate venture, bent on world domination
  • Once you've installed it on your hard drive, it's really difficult to get rid of it
  • Nearly everyone's got it (and they use it in schools), so it has become the default option
  • It is incompatible with other software
  • It takes up a lot of space on your hard drive
  • It fails to conform to international standards
  • But the user interface is attractive and the support is 24/7
Paganism is like Linux:
  • It's dead set against Microsoft
  • It's small and developed by a dedicated community of geeks
  • It comes from Northern Europe
  • The support arrangements are a bit patchy
  • It's eclectic and has lots of shareware
Reconstructionism is like programming via the command line:
Satanism is like a computer virus:
  • It's parasitic upon Microsoft and exploits its vulnerabilities
  • People blame it on the Linux geeks but it's actually done by spotty teenagers with no social life
  • Naive Microsoft users are always claiming there's more of it about than there actually is (there are only about 100 actual Satanists in the UK)
Google is like an insidious cult:
  • It appeared from nowhere and everyone thought it was peace-loving and non-corporate and cool
  • Now it is trying to take over the world by stealth
  • It started with the motto "Don't be evil" but then got into bed with a totalitarian regime
The New Age is like Facebook:
  • Light, bright and has lots of shiny gizmos
  • Uses social networking to connect people
Quakers (Friends) and Unitarians are like Apple Mac:
  • Generally owned by intellectuals and arty types; not corporate
  • Adheres to international standards
  • Great user interface; universally agreed to be cool
  • But hardly anyone actually owns one
Wicca is like Firefox:
  • Wicca discovered the Divine Feminine way before Christianity, and now they're stealing our clothes (so everyone will think they discovered Her) - Firefox invented tabbed browsing way before Microsoft, and now Microsoft have finally adopted it, and everyone will think they invented it
  • Both Wicca and Firefox have a great logo
  • Both adopted by a small community of dedicated users
By Yvonne Aburrow (if you pass this on to anyone else, please link back here).

See also: Religions as ex-girlfriends by Al Billings

Friday, November 02, 2007

Mughal Muggles

"Muggle" a long gone muslim empire in India. [citation needed]

~ from Wikipedia entry: Muggle
Harry Potter in UrduDurr, I think they mean Mughal. But this conjures up images of the Indian version of Hogwarts, hidden away somewhere in the Hindu Kush, and a small boy somewhere in Pakistan receiving a letter penned in green ink from Safed Shehed Ki Makhi inviting him to attend the Suardhabba School of Jaadoo.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

how not to do religion

No wonder Christianity (and by extension, religion) is a laughing stock when you can get products like these:
It's embarrassing, that's what it is. Where's the dignity, the beauty, the reverence found in the amazing icons of the Byzantine and Coptic world, the cathedrals of the West, and the contemplation of the beauties of nature?

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

shit happens

Just got this via email - I've seen it before (about 20 years ago when these things were shared via photocopiers rather than email) but this is the updated version, including Wicca and Discordianism. The weird thing is, we were talking about this on Friday, and it arrived in email today from a different friend. Synchronicity.... or just weird shit.

shit happens
according to various religions and spiritual philosophies:

  • TAOISM: Shit happens.
  • CONFUCIANISM: Confucius say, "Shit happens".
  • ZEN: (What is the sound of shit happening?)
  • JESUITISM: If shit happens when nobody is watching, is it really shit?
  • ISLAM: Shit happens if it is the will of Allah.
  • COMMUNISM. Equal shit happens to all people.
  • CATHOLICISM: Shit happens because you are bad.
  • PSYCHOANALYSIS: Shit happens because of your toilet training.
  • SCIENTOLOGY: Shit happens if you're on our shit list.
  • ZOROASTRIANISM: Bad shit happens, and good shit happens.
  • UNITARIANISM: Maybe shit happens. Let's have coffee and donuts.
  • RIGHT-WING PROTESTANTISM: Let this shit happen to someone else.
  • JUDAISM: Why does shit always happen to US?
  • REFORM JUDAISM: Got any Kaopectate?
  • MYSTICISM: What weird shit!
  • AGNOSTICISM: What is this shit?
  • ATHEISM: I don't believe this shit!
  • NIHILISM: Who needs this shit?
  • AZTEC: Cut out this shit!
  • QUAKER: Let's not fight over this shit.
  • FORTEANISM: No shit??
  • 12-STEP: I am powerless to cut the shit.
  • VOODOO: Hey, that shit looks just like you!
  • NEWAGE: Visualize shit not happening.
  • DEISM: Shit just happens.
  • EXISTENTIALISM: Shit doesn't happen; shit is.
  • SECULAR HUMANISM: Shit evolves.
  • CHRISTIAN SCIENCE: Shit is in your mind.
  • BUDDHISM: Shit happens, but pay no mind.
  • SHINTOISM: Shit is everywhere.
  • HINDUISM: This shit has happened before.
  • WICCA: Mix this shit together and make it happen!
  • HASIDISM: Shit never happens the same way twice.
  • THEOSOPHY: You don't know half of the shit that happens.
  • DIANETICS: Your mother gave you shit before your were born.
  • SEVENTH DAY ADVENTIST: No shit on Saturdays.
  • JEHOVAH's WITNESSES: No shit happens until Armageddon.
  • MOONIES: Only happy shit really happens.
  • HOPI: Corn fertilizer happens.
  • BAHA'I: It's all the same shit.
  • STOICISM: This shit is good for me.
  • OBJECTIVISM: Our shit is good for you.
  • EST: If my shit bothers you, that's your fault.
  • REAGANISM: Don't move; the shit will trickle down.
  • FASCISM: Shit makes the trains run on time.
  • CARGO CULT: A barge will come and take all the shit away.
  • EMACS: Hold down Control-Meta-Shit.
  • DISCORDIANISM: Some funny shit happened to me today.
  • RASTAFARIANISM: Let's smoke this shit.
  • CHARISMATIC: This is not shit and it doesn't smell bad.
  • MASONIC: Shit happens, but we can't discuss it during Lodge.
  • RED CROSS: Shit happens - send money.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Cheesemas

Peace on earth and mercy mild,
God and cheese reconciled.

Hark The Herald Angels Sing
from the Christmas Song Generator.



How oft at Christmas-tide the sight
Of green cheese gives us delight.

O Christmas Tree
from the Christmas Song Generator.