Tuesday, May 29, 2007

shit happens

Just got this via email - I've seen it before (about 20 years ago when these things were shared via photocopiers rather than email) but this is the updated version, including Wicca and Discordianism. The weird thing is, we were talking about this on Friday, and it arrived in email today from a different friend. Synchronicity.... or just weird shit.

shit happens
according to various religions and spiritual philosophies:

  • TAOISM: Shit happens.
  • CONFUCIANISM: Confucius say, "Shit happens".
  • ZEN: (What is the sound of shit happening?)
  • JESUITISM: If shit happens when nobody is watching, is it really shit?
  • ISLAM: Shit happens if it is the will of Allah.
  • COMMUNISM. Equal shit happens to all people.
  • CATHOLICISM: Shit happens because you are bad.
  • PSYCHOANALYSIS: Shit happens because of your toilet training.
  • SCIENTOLOGY: Shit happens if you're on our shit list.
  • ZOROASTRIANISM: Bad shit happens, and good shit happens.
  • UNITARIANISM: Maybe shit happens. Let's have coffee and donuts.
  • RIGHT-WING PROTESTANTISM: Let this shit happen to someone else.
  • JUDAISM: Why does shit always happen to US?
  • REFORM JUDAISM: Got any Kaopectate?
  • MYSTICISM: What weird shit!
  • AGNOSTICISM: What is this shit?
  • ATHEISM: I don't believe this shit!
  • NIHILISM: Who needs this shit?
  • AZTEC: Cut out this shit!
  • QUAKER: Let's not fight over this shit.
  • FORTEANISM: No shit??
  • 12-STEP: I am powerless to cut the shit.
  • VOODOO: Hey, that shit looks just like you!
  • NEWAGE: Visualize shit not happening.
  • DEISM: Shit just happens.
  • EXISTENTIALISM: Shit doesn't happen; shit is.
  • SECULAR HUMANISM: Shit evolves.
  • CHRISTIAN SCIENCE: Shit is in your mind.
  • BUDDHISM: Shit happens, but pay no mind.
  • SHINTOISM: Shit is everywhere.
  • HINDUISM: This shit has happened before.
  • WICCA: Mix this shit together and make it happen!
  • HASIDISM: Shit never happens the same way twice.
  • THEOSOPHY: You don't know half of the shit that happens.
  • DIANETICS: Your mother gave you shit before your were born.
  • SEVENTH DAY ADVENTIST: No shit on Saturdays.
  • JEHOVAH's WITNESSES: No shit happens until Armageddon.
  • MOONIES: Only happy shit really happens.
  • HOPI: Corn fertilizer happens.
  • BAHA'I: It's all the same shit.
  • STOICISM: This shit is good for me.
  • OBJECTIVISM: Our shit is good for you.
  • EST: If my shit bothers you, that's your fault.
  • REAGANISM: Don't move; the shit will trickle down.
  • FASCISM: Shit makes the trains run on time.
  • CARGO CULT: A barge will come and take all the shit away.
  • EMACS: Hold down Control-Meta-Shit.
  • DISCORDIANISM: Some funny shit happened to me today.
  • RASTAFARIANISM: Let's smoke this shit.
  • CHARISMATIC: This is not shit and it doesn't smell bad.
  • MASONIC: Shit happens, but we can't discuss it during Lodge.
  • RED CROSS: Shit happens - send money.


Ali said...

You know, I've been having a relatively bad day... But this post cheered me up immensely. :) I think my favorite one is "Reaganism"--I really did almost choke on my drink when I read that one. Just because it's been one of those days. ;)

Starfisher said...

Always so funny...thanks for posting it